SOCREF-L.ORG... Soccer Referee One Liners You Can Use

Make your selection on the Left... ;^)

Soccer Referee's - ONE LINERS

	"How much are they paying you ref?"
	"Not as much as that comment has just cost you" or "Not enough to make me make a call in any one team’s favor." or "If you knew how much I made, it could nearly be considered volunteer work."

	"Number 6...does he (indicating marked opponent) remind you of your girlfriend, by any chance?"
	"No...not at all, Ref."
	"Then you really have no excuse to be groping him like that, do you?"

I do a good magic trick's. I show a red card and players like you disappear.

"When you guys stop missing the net I'll stop missing those calls".

	"Ref, are you blind?", or "You need glasses?"
	They (Lens Crafters) called about an hour ago. I didn't get a chance to pick them up, yet.

The last time I looked, you were neither my assignor nor my assessor.

Do you want me to keep arguing with you, or shall I watch the game instead?

To another ref: "Give me your name and ID number..."
"I need to report you as an official who has just broken 4 of our code of ethics."
(Note: It should be your policy to NEVER comment about the officiating in any sporting event
as it only contributes to the bad reputation we as a profession already have.
If you bad mouth those who work with you, you’ll be perpetuating their opinion of YOU.)

To a parent or coach "Give me your name and number....
I'd like to pass along the information on the next referee course because we can all use some good referees like you.
To a parent or coach "Give me your name and number...
I'll report you to the appropriate officials. "You have a choice…you can either (behavior modification you want, such as toning down their criticism) or you'll have to get the game recap in the parking lot in an hour.

Use your hand and mime the 'zip your mouth' movement. i.e. pretend that you are zipping your mouth closed.

"Not that old line again. Can't you think of anything more original"?

(This is a good 'one-liner' to reply to the players' old favorite comment such as "You must be joking Ref")

"If I wanted to have an afternoon of nagging, I would have stayed at home."

"I didn’t call you over here for you to give 'ME' a lecture".

	"There's two teams out here today Ref."
	"Really? I was wondering when your team were going to start..."

Referee to player:
"One of us might be going to the changing rooms early. Guess which one?"

Referee to player:
"It’s a great pity that there are no windows in the changing rooms.
I’d hate for you to miss the rest of the game"

A Referee who is receiving some verbal grief from a player:
Referee calls the player towards him,
...slowly puts his hand in his card pocket whilst staring at the approaching player.
Pulls out his handkerchief and proceeds to blow his nose!!

Remember to put a handkerchief in your pocket! You might need it to wipe away the tears!

	"You must be joking Ref.!"
	(With a wide show of teeth)... "Funny you should say that."

	"You must be joking Ref.!"
	"Yeah, but I was hoping for a quality audience today."

	"You're having a laugh Ref.!"
	"I haven't had such a good laugh since I got married."

	"You're having a laugh Ref.!"
	"I know. That’s cause this game's such a joke!"

Referee to troublesome player:
"Do you know that there are only two players in this game who are giving me trouble...
and YOU are BOTH of them."

	Player’s shout of frustration: "F*** me Ref.... "
	As Referee runs past the player, he quietly says: "Sorry, but you’re not my type mate!"

	Player’s shout of frustration: "F***in’ Hell Ref.... "
	Referee: "I hope so - for your sake!"

	Player: "What’s that for Ref.?"
	Referee’s reply with a shrug of the shoulders: "I don’t know".

	Player: "What’s that for Ref.?"
	Referee’s reply with a wide ‘knowing’ smirk: ;^) "Law 12 ‘Fouls and Misconduct’ paragraph 3, Direct Free Kick Offenses!"

	Player who thinks he is a super-star: "Do you know who I am?"
	Referee’s reply: "No, but if you sign my notebook, I’ll be most grateful."

	Player who thinks that the Referee should know his name without asking for it: "You already know my name Ref."
	Referee’s reply: "I know - but my spelling is awful. Would you mind spelling it out for me?

	Player: Jeez, Ref. Where did they get you from?"
	Referee: I only said I was available... I never said that I was any good. "

	Player with the motion of his hands, wants the Referee to card an opponent, and says, "Where's your cards Ref."
	Referee’s reply "Which color would YOU like?"

	Player" "Are you blind Ref.?"
	Referee’s reply: "Yep – so you’ll have to write your own name in my notebook, if you keep going on!"

	Player "Are you blind Ref.?"
	Referee: "Who said that?"

	Player: "Ref. You’re spoiling this game!
	Referee: "I've spoiled much better games than this."

	Player - "Come on Ref you're not giving us anything!"
	Ref - "I'm not Father Christmas, I don't have to give you anything."

	From a player who just kicked the ball out and is trying to claim the throw/kick: "That's rubbish ref!"
	"Yeah I know. I would've played it downfield myself."

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